


Burn

by drapsmann



Category: Kingdom (Anime & Manga), キングダム | Kingdom
Genre: I cried a bit, M/M, i love sei and shin so much, sei is jealous of a dead 12 year old, sei tries on hyou's tunic, they're in love and hara is afraid to admit it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:01:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27230899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drapsmann/pseuds/drapsmann
Summary: Sei tries on Hyou's tunic for Shin, because he loves the commander with all his heart. But he can't help the anger he feels when Shin stares at him so happily.
Relationships: Ei Sei | Ying Zheng/Shin | Xin
Kudos: 13





	Burn

**Author's Note:**

> I hope y'all like this! Shin x Sei seems to be pretty unpopular outside of the Japanese fandom, but I hope that at least one person can enjoy this <3
> 
> Also I wrote this in like 3 days to build up my portfolio for a zine I wanna join so it's not as, like, robust or detailed as I usually try to be. Someday I'll come back and fix it up!

When he fell in love with Shin and found that the young commander reciprocated his feelings, Sei knew that the memory of Hyou would always be there, always a lingering presence in their romance. After all, Hyou was a part of Shin that no one - not even Sei himself - could ever hope to replace.

But even worse than not taking Hyou’s place, Sei was identical to Hyou. The same dark brown hair, the same pale complexion, the same bright amber eyes. Shin would mention the resemblance sometimes, but Sei had to wonder - how many times had Shin seen Hyou rather than Sei and not said a word? How many times had they been lounging together, basking in their love for each other, and Shin had seen his childhood friend instead?

Sei truly loved Shin with all his heart. He wanted the young commander to be as happy as could be. So, he’d never said a word about how he felt. He’d never said a word about how he resented Hyou, how he felt so much anger towards Shin for seeing him that way, how he wanted Hyou to become nothing more than a distant memory of a simpler time. He never said a word, because he knew it would cut Shin deeper than any enemy on the battlefield ever could - deeper than Hou Ken or Ri Boku, Rin Ko or Ren Pa.

The king made a choice, one he would begin to deeply regret a month later. After having kept Hyou’s tunic tucked away in an ornate box - in his very own chambers - for years, he gave it to Shin, who had clutched the filthy, piece of turquoise fabric as though it were the only keeping him alive. He begged Sei to wear the tunic, just so he could have a glimpse of what Hyou could have looked like had he lived.

Even though his jealousy burned inside deep in his gut, he slipped off his heavy red and gold robe, and the thin white one underneath. Shin sat on the edge of the young king’s bed excitedly, completely unable to hide his wide smile.

_He’s never smiled at me like that._

Sei unfolded the small tunic, wondering if it’d even fit him. It’d belonged to a 12-year-old after all, and even though he was a slight man, he was now 19. It took all of his effort to keep from shaking in anger as he slipped on the tunic, taught over his small muscles, and riding high up on his thighs. Even when he saw how utterly euphoric Shin was, Sei couldn’t help but feel so much rage and jealousy that it showed on his face.

“Sei? What’s wrong?”

With a start, the anger left Sei’s face. 

“It’s nothing, I promise. I’m simply upset that Hyou isn’t here with us today.”

Tears filled Shin’s eyes as he nodded in agreement.  
“It’s ok. I’ve got you, haven’t I?”

Sei just about punched him in the face.

Instead, he accepted Shin’s tight embrace, petting the young commander’s hair as he cried into the crook of his neck. After many long minutes, Shin pulled away, eyes still wet.

“Thank you. I love you so much, Sei. You know that, right? I love you.”

“I love you too, Shin.”

__

_I love you so much, but you make me so upset._

Once Sei had put on his own clothing, he handed the folded tunic to Shin, who returned it and asked him to please keep it until he became a general and could visit Hyou’s grave. And so, as much as it angered him, Sei returned that damn piece of fabric to the ornate chest at the foot of his bed. The chest glinted in the candlelight of his room, adorned with carvings of dragons and a sword with a strikingly similar appearance to Hyou’s sword - now Shin’s. How symbolic that one of Hyou’s two worldly possessions belonged to his childhood friend, and the other belonged to Qin’s king whose life he’d saved so many years ago.

Usually, Sei found it very easy to fall asleep when he was curled up in Shin’s arms, feeling the young man’s heartbeat against his back as his warmth seeped through his body - the commander had always been like a living furnace. But that night, all Sei could do was stare at the wall, raging at how Shin looked at him when he wore the tunic. That goddamn tunic. That goddamn Hyou.

A month later, Sei was still regretting the decision, unable to sleep most nights. He would be up for several nights, then finally rest due to sheer exhaustion, and the cycle repeated. Over and over and over. Why had he let Shin see the tunic? Why had he let the commander convince him to wear it?

 _It’s because I love him obviously,_ Sei thought to himself, _but he doesn’t love me wholly. He still loves Hyou._

One day, Sei sat in one of the palace’s beautiful gardens, watching over Rei playing in the grass with Kou by his side. Besides Ka Ryo Ten, Kou was the only person in this world that he trusted with the knowledge of his and Shin’s true relationship. He knew the girl loved him, and he felt guilt sometimes that he spoke to her about his lover while knowing her feelings for him, but he needed her. When Shin and Ten were gone, she was the only one he could truly trust, his only form of emotional support.

“Kou,” he started, breaking the silence, “I need your advice.”

“However I can help, Your Majesty.”

As he recounted her the story of that night, he looked over to her. Her eyes were brimming with tears as she stared into the distance, deliberately not looking at him. He felt a pang of guilt.

“...and now, I just...I have no idea what I should do. I want so badly to tell him how I feel, but it would absolutely crush him.”

Kou was silent for a few minutes, taking in everything she’d just heard.

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty.”

“Thank you.”

“Back when I still lived with my family,” she started softly, “my younger sister Mei had a crush on a boy in the village. One time, he gave her a lovely stone he’d found in the river nearby. It was pale pink and shiny, and he told her that he loved her too and gave her the stone. He told her that they were too young to marry, but that that was his proposal to her. That as long as she kept that rock, he’d only love her.”

Sei listened quietly, watching as Rei knelt by the edge of the pond, playing with the koi.

“A few months later, the boy found another one like it. He gave it to another girl and said he liked her more than my sister. It spread by word of mouth, and soon my sister found out. That broke her heart, of course. As for the stone he’d given her, she destroyed it. She led one of her family’s horses to crush it under its hoof, picked up the fragments, and threw them into the river from which they’d come.”

Sei could see the resemblance between the two - the tunic was a physical representation of Hyou, just as the rock had been for that boy’s love for the girl. He wasn’t sure what advice he’d expected to receive from his concubine, but it certainly wasn’t something so destructive and drastic.

“What Shin is doing to you,” Kou muttered quietly, “is so awful.”

Her delicate hands were clenched into fists in her lap, and her mouth was drawn in a taught line.

“Thank you, Kou. Your advice has greatly helped me.”

The king left Kou to her thoughts as Rei called for him to go watch the koi. He knew what he was going to do.

That night, Sei’s room was incredibly dark. While he usually had several candles and lanterns lit throughout the room, tonight there was only the crackling fireplace. His movements were slow. He opened the chest, he removed Hyou’s tunic, he kept it folded in his lap as he sat on his bed.

Sei softly traced his fingers over the ratted fabric, once a fairly bright turquoise, now dull and faded. Starting at the bottom, the king traced his finger over every single square in the pattern on the tunic’s hem. Up and around the neck, all the way down to the bottom. He stilled on the last square, taking a deep breath.

He stood.

He walked to the fire.

_What will Shin think of me?_

He crumpled the tunic into a ball.

_No. What he thinks doesn't matter. I need to do this._

He threw that damned piece of fabric into the fire, watching as it burned to ashes.

He felt a pang of regret, deep in his heart. It was the only thing that had ever truly belonged to the orphan. But, he knew it was too late - he had had enough of being compared to a dead boy. He didn’t know what he was going to tell Shin the next time the young man came around, but that was a concern for later. At this moment, Sei was focused on the tunic burning, disintegrating into ash, standing and staring until the fire burned away into nothing.

As he returned to his bed, Sei kicked the chest, ignoring the pain as he crawled under his covers, satisfied. And, for the first time in weeks, he fell asleep with no trouble.


End file.
